Patience is a virtue.
How often did you hear that growing up? Even now, hearing that little proverb of uncertain origin can set my teeth on edge slightly. Not because I disagree. But more because when some well-meaning adult (usually parent) said that to me as a child, it was perceived by me as an admonishment of my most definite lack of patience.
When you are feeling impatient and wanting something to happen, being told that being patient is the morally superior and more virtuous route is not what you want to hear.
Do you consider yourself a patient person?
And what have we learned about patience during these last difficult months of Covid19 restrictions and lockdowns?
Last week I was musing here about four key values that have been displayed during the pandemic that need to remain central to how we live and treat each other. This comes from an article in the paper recently that makes for good reading.
These values make up the very fabric of our communities, as the article points out. Last week I was talking about respect – you can read about that here.
And this week, patience.
There is evidence all around us of why patience is required just now.
Patience waiting for vaccine – I have my second dose this week. Patience waiting for the world to be vaccinated, which is our main way out of this pandemic (patience coupled with campaigning can be good too).
Patience waiting in queues outside shops whilst social distancing continues to restrict numbers inside.
We need to be patient for more aspects of society opening up again, for a return to the office for those who miss that social interaction, for the opportunity to have face to face meetings.
I deeply and sincerely hope that next academic term will bring greater normality for our schools and places of study. We long for teaching to return to being face-to-face, with labs and field trips and access to studio space and all the aspects of studying that make student life a multi-factorial and multi-sensory experience. We are not there yet, and we need to show patience in the waiting and the anticipation of hearing what plans are in store for our young people.
Dealing with feeling flat.
There has been much about the last year that has felt flat, two dimensional and deflating, and much of normal life that has been put on hold. So again, we need to be patient as we await the return of live events we can actually physically be at, from sports to concerts to school prize giving. Maybe you are impatient to be jostled again at the pub – just remembering the sheer physical experience of standing in a crowd at a bar trying to get your order taken brings a wave of nostalgia.
Many of us have had holidays and family celebrations put on hold. Patience is the ability to wait despite difficulties and frustrations, without becoming annoyed. Much of that required in this house at times, as in yours too I imagine.
Patience is a virtue in more internal ways too.
These are all obvious aspects of life where we need to choose to be patient.
But it is also important to consider the need to be patient with ourselves. I know that by nature, I am an all-or-nothing person, and the temptation for me is to think I have to re-engage with everything all at once. This is unlikely, unrealistic and also demonstrates a lack of sensitivity to our frayed and brittle souls and minds.
We need to be patient with each other as life opens up again and we start to re-engage. Respecting where each other is on the anxiety spectrum is important, as I mentioned last week. And alongside this is patience with ourselves and our own tolerance for new, for change, for return to the noise and bustle of life. Perhaps our margins are much narrower than before and we have less ability to deal with extra challenges.
That is OK.
It is important that we identify that, notice and respect how we are feeling, and kindly and patiently keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Patience is required to process all that has happened over the past 14 months. The uncertainty, the changes, the losses, the claustrophobic living-and-working-on-top-of-each other…..processing all this takes time and often it is only when things start to return to normal that our emotions catch up. This can catch us off guard, so restoration time for our souls is important.
And choosing to be patient with each other allows us to look below the surface of the other person’s behaviour. A year of communicating largely on screens has robbed us of the more nuanced non verbal aspects of communication that are important for strong relationships. Perhaps you have been on the receiving end of a colleague or friend’s irritation. Choosing patience allows us to stop, step back from that and not take it personally but instead look to how the other person is and what might be at the root of their behaviour. We can then choose to respond with kindness, empathy and grace rather than hitting back with defensiveness or irritation.
Patience is indeed a virtue – one that we can choose to demonstrate hour by hour, day by day, week by week.